For those of us who are familiar with the term ‘partying‘, at some point you have asked yourself how is it going to be possible to party sober.
Of course this is not a verbal question one is asking himself. It is more of a feeling. A feeling of despair or potential loss.
A feeling that most, if not all, of us have felt early in our recovery and even years after successful sobriety.
We simply feel that we are missing out on “the party“.
Today, I would like to convey one piece of a life long puzzle. I believe it to be life long because we are baffled by a disease that has no cure, much less a concrete answer of how to beat it.
So it should come as no surprise that we have all felt this “void” at some point in and on our journey.
You see, we tend to feel, in our recovery, that we are missing something that we really don’t miss. I mean, lets face it, who really misses misery?
But yet and still, the temporary insanity filters in and out that somehow, we are missing out on the party that is going on!
So today, just for today, we are going to look at an application of “how to party sober” and fundamentally what that looks like.
The Events Of A Party – The Music Starts
We can actually compare the process of a party to the process of “partying“.
Let’s take a birthday party, as example, for instance. The birthday party may be for a child or an adult. There may be cake and ice cream. As wells gifts will be there, I’m sure.
Most likely, there will be several kinds of food and drink. There may be punch, lemonade or soda available.
More than likely there will also be alcohol of some sort, even if only beer. I mean, let’s face it, if men are at this birthday party, they are going to want a beer just for having to go to the damn thing to begin with.
There may be harder stuff as well. But here is the point:
Everyone at the party isn’t going to be drinking (alcohol). Some will be drinking lemonade or soda. This isn’t why they came to the party. They didn’t come to the party to “party“, they came to celebrate an occasion that is considered moderate.
Moderate meaning there is a start time and there is an end time. Maybe the party is from 2:00 pm to 6:00 pm or maybe 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm.
Moderate meaning, ‘sufficient in moderation’ or ‘with limits’.
The operative words here are…’occasion’ and ‘moderate’ or moderation.
As addicts and alcoholics, the words occasion with occasional or moderate with moderation eludes us, baffles us, because we can’t participate occasionally or in moderation.
To The Extreme – No Occasion Is In Moderation
Knowing what we know about ourselves, if we are to be completely honest, gives every indication that we are unable to participate in the party without ‘partying‘.
It doesn’t matter if it is a birthday party, a cocktail party, a bachelor or bachelorette party or even a simple dinner party. The alcoholic or addict will be unable to attend and stay through any of it sober.
An occasional drink for the occasion is off the table. A drink in moderation will not happen. No way is he or she leaving this party sober.
Many times we have been party crashers with our shenanigans. At the most intimate occasions, such as a Christmas Dinner or the like, have we completely ruined the occasion with being drunk or high.
Because drinking in moderation is not possible for us, we violate the boundaries of other’s who do. With underlying issues already, the extreme surfaces, and rears it’s ugly head.
The results: we can turn a festive occasion into a nightmare with our ‘partying‘ that affects everyone in the vicinity of attendance.
Understand The Idea Of The Party
The very idea of a party is a celebration. It is a time for people to get together on whatever occasion and enjoy each other’s company.
Somehow we tend to equate ‘the party’ with alcohol or drugs and not the real reason for the celebration.
So what happens with us is this: every day becomes a party…drinking every day, smoking every day, doing lines every day, shooting-up every day. The list goes on…
A party doesn’t take place every day for most people. What has taken place for most of us here equating to a party is ‘partying‘. And the party has become an everyday thing.
So much that it has taken the place of our employment, our living situation responsibilities, our responsibility to our family, to our children, to our self-worth, to our self-dignity and to our integrity
How To Party Sober – Is There Such A Thing
The answer is yes. There is such a thing.
Many people have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind. Many people have resumed their place in the real world of relationships, responsibilities and productivity.
So if you want to understand how to party sober you must first understand how to stay sober to enjoy life without the help of mind altering substances, rather it’s alcohol, cocaine, heroin, opiates or whatever your pleasure may be.
It doesn’t matter what the poison is because the truth is that they ALL have caused the ‘partying‘ syndrome.
Many have passed and many still suffer from this lie. Are we going to succumb to lie also? I don’t know about you, but I bought that lie for well over 25 years. I refuse to purchase a ‘partying‘ ticket with my life any longer.
With that said, ask yourself these questions if you are wondering about the many possibilities of how to party sober and enjoy the party nevertheless.
Ask Yourself And Understand Your Answers
Now that I am sober, do I miss my old life? Do I miss the misery that I now see for the truth it is?
Do I miss the many years that I wasted in my addiction or alcoholism?
Do I miss the awful things I did and the person I became in my disease?
Do I miss the time I have been absent from my childrens life? (and it doesn’t matter if they are young now or now grown!)
Has the time partying cost me a quantity of time or a quantity of quality time? Or both?
Is my peace from being sober more important than the chaos my addiction has caused me?
To help sum this up, lets breakdown the questions to form an answer in a sentence:
“I realize that now I am sober, my worst day in sobriety is better than my best day in my addiction. I am sure that the way I was living was self-inflicted misery in disguise and I refuse to be fooled again. I commit to attending one party and that is the party of life. Of living in a manner that is fundamental to who I really am. Realizing my defective behavior has cost me time, relationships and my own self-preservation, I will no longer invest in this behavior of a ‘partying’ mentality. My life was not meant to be lived in a bondage in which I have no control over. My purpose in life is not to hurt other’s but to help, including helping myself. I will no longer deprive myself, my spouse, my children or other family members from being the best me that I have to offer. I have no more time to invest in my addiction chaos which has crippled my life. The time that I have left I will spend wisely. I will treat each day as a celebration of life. This will be the only party I choose to attend.”
Life Is The Party – You Need To Attend This One
It really is quite a black and white picture. Not a lot of gray area in this. If you do identify as an alcoholic or addict, or even if you don’t, you need to realize the truth is the truth. It is either going to be peace or chaos.
Now, if you can honestly say that do don’t necessarily need this perspective or even one associated with it, then I would say this to you: “You are wasting good time you could be getting high on or drunk on!”
That thought in your head reading back and forth, “how am I going to be able to party sober?”
The answer is, “You’re not!” The truth is you will never pull it off successfully. If you do, you will be the first in history who has identified as an alcoholic or addict, who did.
The answer is in the statement: “How To Party Sober?”
The way you party sober is to stay sober and enjoy life. Life is the party.
Truth is, in our alcoholism and addiction, we weren’t living. Oh for sure we didn’t know it, but we were not living.
What we were doing was merely existing. Just existing to wake-up to a sickness only a drink could cure…waking up to a sickness only a needle could administer relieve.
This was not, and still is not, living. This my friends was merely an existence.
Conclusion – The Celebration
So you see people, the celebration of life is the party. And it is the one party that people like us can attend regularly, just like we attended addiction.
We don’t have to attend life on occasions or in moderation…we can attend life to the extreme, just like we attended partying.
In conclusion, we need to learn to be addicted to life, not substances.
If you or someone you know struggles with alcohol and/or drugs, be encouraged, or encourage them, to seek help for addiction.
Please leave your comments, suggestions or questions you may have that need answers. We are here to help and to give guidance to those in need as well.
Remember it takes a village to do this. That includes not just learning, but understanding how to party sober!