Can I Get Sober On My Own? I’m Not Sure

Can I Get Sober On My Own? – I Don’t Know…Can You?

If anyone has ever asked themselves the question while they were in their addiction, their alcoholism or even after an episode of detox without knowing what the next step would be, that question that may be directed to your inner self may be saying, “can I get sober on my own?” And, this would be a valid question for most, if not all, of us who have been involved with the process of recovery and searching for a sobriety solution that works. This is a natural question that has haunted ALL of us who have had our struggles with one form of substance or alcohol use disorder. It is as natural a question as it is natural for self-doubting ourselves for success with sobriety.

This question is more of an inner spiritual existence than an actual verbal question that we ask ourselves. It is a conditional as well as an optional obstacle that we either overcome or submit to.

Correct Answers – With Different Angles

So, the correct answer to the question “can I get sober on my own?” requires an approach from a different angle. Left up to our own devices, we could probably answer that question in all honesty with something like, or similar, to this: “If I were able to get sober on my own, I would have already done it!” This is actually as honest as it gets because the same decisions that we have made to get us here (in our addiction) cannot be the same decisions necessary to conquer that addiction. In other words, the same mind that got your ass in this mess will not be the same mind to get you out of it.

One Way Of Looking At It – Closely

Let’s look at the question closely: “Can I get sober on my own?”

The reply: “I don’t know, can you?”

I asked my mother one time (one of many I may add), “Mom can I have another cookie?” My mother would reply, “I don’t know, can you?” It was a lesson to re frame the question to have a more definitive content so that the answer left no room to wonder. The word ‘can’ needed to be replaced with the word ‘may’. Now it would look as such: “Mom, may I have another cookie?” Now her answer was, “No you may not have another cookie because you have already had eight!” Just joking she said, “Yes baby you may have another cookie.”

This is just one analogy of developing a more definitive, productive question that leaves room for results in the answer opposed to just being a question in doubt.

One Word Transforms The Entire Sentence – How

The one word to transform this question into a question requiring action rather than a question full of wondering is ‘how’. Now see the word transform the question “Can I get sober on my own?” into “How can I get sober on my own?”

Good work! We have now transformed the question into a position of having a definitive answer, or results consisting of options.

One Right Answer – For Those Who Are Still Clean & Sober

The answer to the question now may have multiple choices to choose from that are available. However, I personally can only provide one. The answer to “How can I get sober on my own” is “you can’t”.

We who have been grounded in our sobriety know that this is not a gig that can be successfully accomplished single-handedly, on our own or alone.

Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to re-raise an alcoholic addict. There is so much defective behavior involved in alcohol and substance use disorder that insane decisions become normal for us. We need to enroll back in school for a new education from a new community of teachers referred to as the Fellowship in Recovery.

Here in the school of recovery, learned behavior that has been practiced, honed and mastered in our active addiction, will now become unlearned or unpracticed, basically meaning this behavior will be replaced with new behavior, fundamental to who we are, not defective to who we aren’t. As an example, our selfishness, if we allow the teachers to teach, will be transformed into selflessness as we engage into the process of recovery. This process is ongoing and includes a fearless moral inventory of self, an amends process of our wrongs to be addressed and corrected and a continuance stance of relaying this process and message to others in search of the same freedom which we have found.

The Only Conclusion – Is Yours and Mines

The only answer I believe to be both true and fact for us is that it is not possible for us to get clean and sober alone. I don’t believe we were meant to do this alone since it has been proven to be virtually impossible to sustain sobriety alone. It may last for a minute for a few of us, but like anything else if you are not plugged into a source, you will eventually find that you are once again without power, or powerless.

How many times have you gotten clean? What’s the longest period you have stayed clean? Why did you go back, relapse? What made you go back, and relapse? How long did you stay out before you came back? How long have you still been out?

Getting clean is not the hard part my friends. Getting clean is the easy part. We know because we do it over and over and over again. We can get clean at any time. Staying clean, my friends, is the hard part. Finding a lasting, long term solution to sobriety is the challenge for ALL of us.

In closing, you should know that what you can do on your own is make a decision that you are not going to do this alone. So make the decision to surround yourself with like-minded people. It’s the right decision…and you’re going to make a decision rather you like it or not. Make one that is going to count.

I would ask you to share in the comments your current situation, rather it is favorable or rather it is not so advantageous. What area is out of control? Where do you need help at? And most importantly, how can we help?

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6 thoughts on “Can I Get Sober On My Own? I’m Not Sure

  • May 16, 2021 at 4:35 AM

    This topic always hits home for me due to different situations that I’m surrounded by. Dealing with an addiction – no matter what it may be – it’s always a battlefield between what our minds require versus what you think you’re able to do. Often times, we say, “yes, of course I can do that on my own”, and these things do happen, but at the same time it is a really long process of ups and downs that may require something more to start the recovery process. 

    • May 17, 2021 at 11:53 PM

      Thanks for the insight Stephanie and, yes, it is true.  The battle between what is real and what “we” think is always at the forefront, especially in the starting blocks.  One thing to cling to is that reality doesn’t have to necessarily be what we as addicts are seeing.  Realizing that the same mind that got us into this mess will also be the same mind to keep us in the mess, then that mind has to undergo some reconstruction.  So our thinking has got to change.  And, yes it is a process, it is the beginning.  We don’t necessarily have to like it, but we have to accept it if we are going to see results.  Thanks again!.

  • July 2, 2021 at 4:32 AM

    I would argue that no one gets involved in addiction just because of them. There are always reasons why we do what we do. I loved that you said it takes a village. I agree whole heartedly. I do have one question involving why people who are struggling with sobriety struggle so much. I would feel that out of control is different for everyone and how exactly would we measure out of control? I don’t know exactly because of lack of experience and because I feel that even with experience every case is so different. I really commend you for bringing awareness to this topic.

    • July 2, 2021 at 4:48 AM

      Thank you Nick. The struggle is real and it comes on different levels for many different people. The successful people in recovery have done one thing though…they have surrendered. In surrendering, now the village can help and assist in the recovery process. Doing it alone is not an option. Not a successful one anyway. Thanks buddy!

  • July 2, 2021 at 5:20 AM

    I really like your website and thank you for bringing awareness to this issue.  I agree that it takes a village to heal and the person is stronger within this.  The first step is so true, “how can I….., a positive spin from “can I….  and of course it takes the addict to make the decision to change, no one can do this for them.  Believe that your life can be better and fulfilled, surrender your ego and let go. 

    • July 4, 2021 at 8:22 PM

      Very true Lauren. Thank you for taking the time to comment. The ego is truly the one thing that holds us back. Humility always succeeds.


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